Bacon & Eggs

Bacon and eggs. Bacon and eggs. I’m going to say it again…bacon…and…eggs. And toast.

I am completely confident there is nothing better in this world. If you get good, fresh eggs, some salty bacon and a good english muffin with professionally (preferably grandma-made) strawberry jam, the result when cooked correctly is like the London symphony orchestra playing in your mouth. It’s like the space shuttle taking off, or the best sex of your life.

But it doesn’t just happen. Like all of my metaphors, it takes patience, expertise and practice, practice, practice. I did the math earlier and currently I’m approaching my 10,000th egg. It’s like Malcolm Gladwell’s assertion that it takes 10,000 hours to become a professional at something. Except it’s eggs. So it’s better than that.

Set your favorite pan to just a tick under medium heat and let it get hot. Throw 3 pieces of bacon in and straighten them out. Let them cook until brown and the flip – making sure not to over cook. Remove and set on a white paper towel. I don’t know why it has to be white,it just does. Don’t argue.

Crack 2-3 eggs into the still sizzling bacon juice and keep a sharp eye. Immediately place your english muffins in the toaster and get them cooking. Back to the eggs and once the whites become opaque (not clear) flip them using a thin, metal spatula. The wrong spatula can spell disaster. Plastic ones suck as do fat, wide ones. It needs to be thin and narrow so you don’t mess with the egg’s neighbors.

Let the eggs cook for a minute and then turn the pan off. You can check the done-ness (it’s a word) by gently cutting the edge of the white part of the egg nearest the yoke (don’t cut the yoke!) with your spatula. If it’s runny still let them cook some more. If not remove them immediately from the pan and put on a plate. Sprinkle a little salt and and maybe a bit of pepper. Get your butter and jam out.

Your english muffins should be ready by the time the eggs are done cooking. If not, get a new toaster.
The second the toaster jumps up grab the muffins and lather the tops in butter (if you get good quality butter you don’t have to worry about it healthwise – the stuff is great for your brain). Spread some of your favorite jam over the butter and place on the plate next to your eggs. Arrange the bacon so that the whole package looks as awesome and delicious as possible.

Take a moment to savor what you have created.

Take another moment to savor it. Now eat it.

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